You Must Be Kidding

I don’t know if I’ve impressed upon you the importance of TV for me.  I consider myself a devout follower of St. Clare of Assisi.  Not only was she a devotee of St. Francis who was all “let’s love the animals” and “the environment is good” and “hey let’s not kill each other” and drove a hybrid chariot (it runs on regular horses and steam-powered horses…this is of course only in the steampunk alterna-universe), but she also was super cool herself.  

A. Her father’s last name was Scifi.  Um, awesome.  

B. She invented TV ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………sort of.   So she was really sick and couldn’t make it to mass, but she said she could hear and see it on her wall.  JUST LIKE TELEVISION.  Of course, she didn’t really invent TV, what with her dying in 1253, but the Pope Pius VII didn’t give a fuck about shit like “chronological order of events” or “making the church not seem so crazy” (but hey, Pope Benedict XVI loves his capybara tartare, they all have their own infallible faults) and named her patron saint of television in 1958 anyway.  So this is all to say, despite not being Catholic and also being a bit skeptical of Clare’s ability to see mass on the wall of her bedroom (I’m just sayin…she’d seen a lot of masses, and fevers can make you hallucinate.  I’m JUST sayin’!), I really like TV and that’s the point.  Perhaps I should pick a more modern figure such as Philo T. Farnsworth or David Sarnoff to follow devoutly.  

Anyway, as many Farnsworthians know, Summer is a dark time for us.  It is a time when we mourn the passing of shows now ended.  Some of them were ready for their time to come (a la LOST), and some flailed to a premature ending, clumsily checking off a plot-based bucket list through to their last episode (ahem Dollhouse..and also kinda LOST).  But while these shows have passed on to DVD sales and doubtful syndication, some have only left us for a short while.  Like the druids mourning the lack of sun in the wintertime, we must patiently await the fall season’s premiers through the terrible months of summer.  ”But Jennifer,” you say, “Why not go outside an enjoy the beauty of the warm weather?”  BLASPHERMERS!  Know you not the teachings of Farnsworth and his most faithful disciple Sarnoff?  There is but one entertainment, and it is television.  There is but one light, and television is from whence it shines.  There is but one love, and it is the love between Ross and Rachel, Carrie and Big, Ted and his kids’ Mom.

PRAISE BE TO THE GLASS TUBES.

In order to fill the gaping hole left by the recent season finales, I have decided to find real friends and spend more time with my family.  Haha, I’m just fucking with you.  No I will require a balanced diet of complete seasons of shows past and new summer shows.  This summer season is a surprisingly high-quality one.  Here’s an outline of my summer plans:

Summer shows in order of premier date

Doctor Who returns in the past (April 3rd to be exact).  How appropriate for the doctor to have beat me to the punch.  Next episode to be torrented this Saturday, though!

So You Think You Can Dance returns tomorrow at 8pm.  I’m so glad this show is back in the summer.  It’s perfect summertime fluff.

Lie to Me returns on June 7th

Futurama returns (OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I’m SO excited.  Please don’t suck, Futurama 2.0) June 24th

Psych returns July 14th

Mad Men returns July 25th

Weeds returns August 16th

Other things I’ll be watching

Futurama seasons 1-4

Skins season 3

The Wire seasons 1-2

Twin Peaks seasons 1-2

Dexter season 2

Torchwood Children of Earth

Maybe Friday Night Lights

Maybe the OC

Maybe Life on Mars (both BBC and ABC versions)

Any suggestions?